Relationship myths straight-up hijacked my entire love life for a solid decade, and I only just noticed. I’m currently cross-legged on my kitchen floor in Brooklyn, eating leftover sesame chicken with a fork because all my spoons are dirty, while my cat judges me harder than my mother ever did. These stupid fairy-tale lies I swallowed whole? They didn’t just mess me up—they wrecked whole relationships before they even had a chance.
The Soulmate Relationship Myths Garbage I Actually Believed
I waited for one magical human to show up and complete me like a damn puzzle piece. Relationship Myths My ex forgot my birthday (twice), so instead of talking like a grown-up, I decided “guess he’s not The One” and started emotionally detaching. I did that exact move in three separate relationships. Three! Only now do I see how insane that sounds.
Turns out actual psychologists have been screaming for years that the soulmate thing is mostly marketing. Dr. Ty Tashiro breaks it down way better than I ever could in his book The Science of Happily Ever After (here’s the Amazon link if you wanna cry with me: https://www.amazon.com/Science-Happily-Ever-After-Relationships/dp/037389290X).
“Happy Couples Never Fight” Relationship Myths Almost Ended Me
I used to clamp my mouth shut the second tension appeared because I genuinely thought real love floated on clouds and never argued. I once bragged to my friends we hadn’t fought in eleven days—like that was a flex. News flash: Relationship Myths we both just stopped caring enough to speak up.
John Gottman (the dude who can predict divorce with like 94% accuracy) literally says healthy couples fight—they just do it without contempt or stonewalling. Here’s his institute’s actual research if you wanna feel attacked like I did: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
I Bailed the Second Love Stopped Feeling “Easy”
Jake and I lit the world on fire for exactly six weeks. Then adult life happened and suddenly we had to try. Relationship Myths My brain screamed “if it’s real it shouldn’t feel like work!” so I vanished. Still cringe when I think about it.
Esther Perel calls this the “new relationship energy” trap and explains it better than my 2 a.m. brain ever could in her podcast episode “The Myth of Romantic Spontaneity”: https://www.estherperel.com/podcast
“If They Wanted To, They Would” Became My Favorite Cop-Out
TikTok drilled this one into my skull, and I weaponized it. Instead of saying “Hey, I need more reassurance,” I sat silent and then got mad when he failed the secret test. Shocker: nobody can read minds.
Attachment theory nerds like Amir Levine and Rachel Heller slap some sense into this in their book Attached (I finally finished the copy I used as a coaster for two years): https://www.attachedthebook.com/
Look, I still overthink every text. I still sometimes spiral because someone used a period instead of an exclamation point. I still can’t spell “relationship” right at 2 a.m. But at least I finally stopped letting Disney and Instagram run my love life.
Love isn’t a lightning bolt. It’s a choice you keep making even when the other person leaves dishes in the sink for the third day in a row.
Drop the dumbest relationship myth you ever believed in the comments—I need to know I’m not the only clown-in-chief here.
