Okay, open relationships judgment is honestly wild once you’ve lived through it yourself. Like, I’m sitting here in my extremely cluttered apartment in Austin—there’s a half-eaten Whataburger cup sweating on the coffee table and my dog is snoring so loud it’s vibrating the floor—and I still get random texts from college friends asking if I’m “okay” because I posted a picture with both my partners. Bro, I’m thriving, but apparently that offends the universe.
The First Time Open Relationships Judgment Actually Slapped Me in the Face
Last 4th of July, I kid you not, my aunt cornered me next to the potato salad and whispered, “Honey, are you in a cult?” A CULT. Because I said I had a boyfriend AND a girlfriend. The macaroni was getting cold while she tried to figure out if I needed an exorcism. That was peak open relationships judgment in the wild—small-town Texas energy mixed with fireworks and passive-aggressive side-eye.
Why the Non-Monogamy Stigma Feels So Damn Personal
Here’s the thing nobody says out loud: most of the poly judgment isn’t even about sex. It’s about people realizing their own relationship might be… negotiable? Like, the second you admit open relationships can work, suddenly Karen from accounting has to look at her own marriage and wonder why she’s miserable. Easier to call me a slut than do that emotional homework. I’ve literally had a coworker tell me I was “ruining the sanctity of love” while he was on wife number three. The math isn’t mathing, Chad.
My Own Hypocrisy About Open Relationship Shame (Yeah, I Have It Too)
Look, I’m not above it. When my partner first brought up opening things up, my brain blue-screened. I grew up on rom-coms and country songs that swear there’s only one soulmate, so of course my first thought was “but what if I’m not enough?” Took me months and way too much therapy to realize that fear was the exact same flavor of open relationships judgment I now roll my eyes at. We love to project.
Random Ways People Express Poly Judgment Without Saying It
- The slow blink when you say “my partners”
- Suddenly bringing up STDs at Thanksgiving (thanks, Uncle Gary)
- That one friend who keeps sending you articles about “how monogamy is natural” like I asked
- The Instagram comments that are just praying-hands emojis (ma’am, stop)
What Actually Helped Me Give Fewer F*cks About the Ethical Non-Monogamy Backlash
Therapy, obviously. But also surrounding myself with other chaotic gremlins in open relationships. There’s this Discord server I’m in where we just send each other screenshots of the wildest judgment we got that week—like trading Pokémon cards but make it trauma. Laughing about it together turned the shame volume way down.
Anyway. If you’re out here catching open relationships judgment like it’s Pokémon, just know you’re not broken. Society’s just scared of anything that doesn’t fit in a Hallmark card. Do the scary thing, communicate like your life depends on it (because the relationship probably does), and maybe block your aunt on Facebook. Works wonders.
What’s the wildest judgment you’ve ever gotten? Drop it below—I need new material for the group chat.
P.S. If you want to read more about how ethical non-monogamy actually works without the moral panic, check out The Ethical Slut (still a banger after all these years) → https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-ethical-slut-third-edition-a-practical-guide-to-polyamory-open-relationships-and-other-freedoms-in-sex-and-love-janet-w-hardy/6869455
And More Than Two is basically the bible → https://www.morethantwo.com/
