Bedroom conversations are literally the glue that keeps my almost-10-year relationship from turning into a true-crime podcast. Like, I’m writing this at 1:43 a.m. from my side of the bed in our stupidly overpriced apartment in Austin, Texas, because we just had another one of those 2-hour marathons that started with “Are you awake?” and ended with me ugly-crying into his chest about something I didn’t even know was bothering me. Anyway. These are the seven bedroom conversations every couple actually needs to have – not the cute, Pinterest-y ones. The ugly, phone-glow, bad-breath, “I can’t sleep until we fix this” kind.
1. The “What Are We Even Doing With Money?” Bedroom Conversation
We had this one three weeks ago when our credit-card statement showed $487 at Target and neither of us could explain it. I’m over here whispering-yelling about how I thought we agreed no more “fun money” until the car is paid off, and he’s doing that thing where he stares at the ceiling fan like it owes him money. Turns out he’d been stress-buying Lego sets?? Sir?? These bedroom conversations about finances are brutal but necessary because daylight me wants to be the chill girlfriend and 2am me wants to burn the bank statements.
2. The Sex Frequency & Quality Check-In (Yes, Out Loud)
Look, nobody wants to schedule sex like it’s a dentist appointment, but we hit a dry spell last year that lasted so long I genuinely googled “can lack of sex cause headaches.” So now every couple months one of us goes, “Hey… are we good? Like, actually good?” and we do this mortifying show-and-tell of what we miss, what feels off, what new weird thing we saw on TikTok. Pro tip: keep the lights off for this one unless you’re braver than me.
3. The “Your Family Stresses Me Out” Download
I love his mom. I also want to yeet myself into the sun every time she FaceTimes unannounced on Sunday mornings. These bedroom conversations where we vent about in-laws without fear of it getting back to them? Sacred. We have a rule: whatever is said in the dark stays in the dark. Has saved multiple Thanksgivings.
Quick detour because I just remembered
Last Christmas she bought me a size-XXL nightgown with cats in Santa hats. Ma’am, I’m a medium and allergic to cats. We laughed so hard in bed that night I almost peed. 10/10 bedroom conversation side effect.
4. The Future Kids Talk (Even If You Think You’re On the Same Page)
We thought we were child-free by choice… until I turned 34 and suddenly my ovaries started sending me marketing emails. Cue the 3 a.m. panic spiral where I whispered, “What if I change my mind?” and he went completely still for so long I thought he’d died. Spoiler: he was just processing. These bedroom conversations about kids are land-mine territory, y’all.
5. The “I’m Not Okay” Mental Health Gut-Spill
2023 was rough. Like, can-barely-get-out-of-bed rough for me. The only place I could say “I think I need to go back on meds” without feeling like a failure was face-down in my pillow while he rubbed my back. If you’re not having these bedroom conversations where you both get to fall apart safely, what are you even doing?
6. The Jealousy & Insecurity Dump
Yes, even after a decade. Last month I admitted – at 2:17 a.m., classic – that I still get twitchy when his work bestie (who’s gorgeous and funny and bakes) likes his Instagram posts. He laughed, called me a gremlin (affectionate), then admitted he hates when my ex-coworker comments fire emojis on my stories. We looked insane. We felt so much better.
7. The “What Do You Need From Me Right Now?” Check-In
This is the one we circle back to constantly. Sometimes the answer is “literally nothing, just exist next to me.” Sometimes it’s “can you hold me until I stop shaking?” Sometimes – and this is peak relationship – it’s “can you go get me Takis and not judge me?” These simple bedroom conversations are honestly the cheat code.
Anyway, I’m falling asleep on my laptop now and he just stole all the covers like the gremlin HE is. Moral of the story? Have the messy, whispered, phone-glow bedroom conversations. They’re ugly and perfect and they work.
Your turn – which one are you avoiding? Drop it in the comments or DM me, I’ll probably be awake at 3am anyway stressing about something new.
(References for the anxious girlies who need sources:
