Decode someone’s hidden insecurities is literally the only superpower i have left, and i’m using it right now while my phone sits dark on the couch next to me because someone left me on read again. classic tuesday night in texas.
i’m in the same ratty hoodie i wore to my nephew’s birthday party Decode Someone’s (there’s still a mystery orange stain on the sleeve), my room smells like old dr pepper and regret, and i just paused true crime netflix because the narrator’s voice was making me paranoid. anyway.
the time it clicked so hard i almost threw my phone
met this dude on hinge who kept bragging that he “doesn’t do drama” and “hates when girls are clingy.” cool cool cool. three days later he’s texting “you good?” if i don’t reply within an hour. turns out the louder someone brags about not having a certain insecurity, the more it’s actually eating them alive. there’s actual science on this projection thing, btw — psychologists call it the “loudest in the room” effect or whatever (here’s a harvard article that explains it better than i ever could: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-hidden-costs-of-bragging).
the dead giveaways i spot now (because i do all of them)
- the fake-casual “i’m just kidding” after a savage little dig
- over-apologizing for existing (hi yes that’s me)
- tearing napkins/sugar packets/straw wrappers into microscopic pieces when they’re nervous
- the immediate subject change when feelings come up
my most mortifying example from literally last week
was telling a new friend about this promotion i got and she goes “omg that’s amazing!” and without missing a beat i went “eh it’s not that big a deal, they were probably desperate.” like why did i just dunk on myself?? Decode Someone’s i caught it mid-sentence and actually said out loud “wow there it is, classic self-sabotage.” she laughed, thank god. being aware of your own crap is exhausting but kinda helpful.
here’s a quick list i stole from my therapist and then added my own chaotic annotations:
- They downplay their wins → scared of looking arrogant (me)
- They one-up every story → terrified of being boring
- They never initiate plans → convinced you secretly hate them
- They say “i don’t care what people think” approximately 47 times a day → they care so much it hurts
(therapist link if you want the non-insane version: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202206/7-signs-someone-is-hiding-insecurity)
the part where it backfires spectacularly
tried gently telling my sister her “i’m fine” routine was obvious and she blocked me on everything for four days. lesson learned: sometimes Decode Someone’s hidden insecurities just gets you added to the “do not answer” list. use sparingly.
anyway i’m still a disaster who refreshes instagram to see if they watched my story. but at least now when i spot someone else doing the same dance, i can usually figure out what song is playing in their head.
