Okay, so 10 Online Dating Scams literally live rent-free in my head at this point, and I’m writing this from my couch in Austin, Texas, where it’s 2 a.m. and I just stress-ate an entire bag of Takis because some dude named “Christopher” on Hinge still has $400 of mine from 2022. Yeah, I’m that idiot. Whatever, here’s the raw tea.
The “Deployed Soldier Who Needs iTunes Cards” 10 Online Dating Scams (Classic, I Know)
This one got me freshman year of the pandemic. Dude said he was a captain in Syria, sent me pics in desert camo that were obviously stolen from some poor guy’s actual Instagram. Told me his paycheck was “held up” and he just needed $50 in Apple gift cards so he could FaceTime me from base. I was 28, lonely, drinking boxed wine like it was water—sent him $450 total before he ghosted. The worst part? I scratched those cards with a penny while crying to Lana Del Rey. Peak humiliation.
The “Crypto Bro Who Wants to 10x Your Savings” 10 Online Dating Scams
Matched with this finance tech dude in Miami. Wore Patagonia vests in every pic, talked about “energy” and “manifesting generational wealth.” Three weeks in he’s love-bombing me with voice notes, calling me “queen,” then casually drops that he has an “exclusive DeFi opportunity.” Sent me $200 first (reversible payment, duh) to “prove it works.” I sent $3,800. Gone. Account deleted. Still have the screenshots where he called me his soulmate. I wanna die.
The Fake Widow/Widower Begging for Plane Tickets
Lady this time—said her husband died in a car crash, she’s stuck in Ghana with her kid, just needs $1,200 to fly to me in Dallas. Sent me pics of a cute toddler and everything. I’m not even into women but loneliness is loneliness, man. Almost did it. Literally had the Western Union page open when my best friend snatched my phone and screamed “THIS IS A 419 SCAM YOU DUMB BITCH.” Saved by the bell.
Other Online Dating Scams That Almost Had Me (Quick Fire Round)
- The “I’m on an oil rig and my debit card got swallowed” guy
- The model who needs rent money because her agency “takes 90%”
- The one who sends you a check for $5k and asks you to wire $4k back (check bounces, you’re out $4k)
- The “my grandma died and the funeral home only takes CashApp” sob story
- The verification site that steals your credit card the second you “prove you’re real”
- The hot 22-year-old who’s actually a ring of dudes in Romania laughing at your nudes
- The “I’m in the hospital with COVID, can’t access my bank” play (2021 was wild for this one)
Look, I’m not proud. I’ve reported these profiles, I’ve cried in Target parking lots, I’ve blocked entire area codes. But if me being the cautionary tale stops even one of you from Venmo-ing a stranger who calls you “m’lady,” then my dignity was worth it.
Final thought: trust your gut, reverse-image search every damn photo, and never—NEVER—send money to someone whose last selfie has a Snapchat dog filter on it. Seriously.
Drop your own horror stories below so I don’t feel like the only clown in this circus. And if you’re currently talking to a “doctor on an overseas mercy mission,” close the app right now and go touch grass. I’m begging you.
Outbound Link:
FTC’s official page on romance scams
Social Catfish reverse-image search (free tool I actually use now)
