The psychology behind first impressions in dating is literally why I can’t have nice things, and right now I’m typing this on my cracked iPhone in a Taco Bell parking lot in Columbus at 2:37 a.m. because the date ended forty minutes ago and I’m still processing.
Why Your Brain Judges Someone Before They Even Say Hi
Science says we make up our mind in like a tenth of a second (actual study from Princeton in 2006, here: https://www.princeton.edu/news/2006/01/01/judgments-face-person-take-split-second). I tested this theory last week when a guy walked in wearing socks with sandals and I felt my ancestors roll in their graves. Didn’t matter that he’s a pediatric nurse who volunteers with rescue dogs. Socks. With. Sandals. My brain filed him under “absolutely not” before he even ordered his drink.
The Lipstick Massacre of 2023 (Yes I’m Still Not Over It)
Went on a rooftop date in Cincinnati wearing this orange dress and thought “bold lip energy” was the vibe. Chose a coral-red that looked fire in my bedroom mirror. Did not look fire under bar lighting. Looked like I’d been bobbing for apples in spaghetti sauce. Spent the whole night smiling with my mouth closed like a serial killer. He kept staring. I finally excused myself, saw the damage in the bathroom, and almost texted my friend “come fake an emergency.” Came back, tried to wipe it off with a napkin, made it worse. He paid the tab and said “text me”… still waiting on that text 18 months later lol.
Stuff That Actually Sticks (According to Actual Research)
- Warmth beats hotness every time: https://hbr.org/2016/09/what-people-really-decide-in-the-first-few-seconds-of-meeting-you (Amy Cuddy’s whole thing about trustworthiness first, competence second)
- Your voice tone is low-key a dealbreaker. I once noped out because a guy sounded exactly like Gilbert Gottfried.
- Scent. Not cologne, actual skin smell. One dude smelled like warm laundry and I was ready to propose by dessert.
My Trash-but-Works Hacks
- The airport test: if I wouldn’t want to be stuck next to them during a 6-hour delay in Chicago O’Hare, I cancel.
- I now overshare immediately: “Hi I’m terrified of escalators and I cried in Target last week.” Filters the weirdos who can’t handle real.
- Pre-date sniff check in the car. If I smell like anxiety and onions, shirt gets changed in the Wendy’s parking lot. Zero shame.
Still Messing It Up in Real Time
Literally two nights ago I told a guy he looks like my ex’s brother. Out loud. Within five minutes. He laughed… then blocked me on Hinge 20 minutes after the date ended. The psychology behind first impressions in dating stays winning and I stay losing.
Anyway, I’m gonna go home and cry into my Crunchwrap. Drop your most cursed first-impression story below so I don’t feel like the only clown in the circus.
P.S. If you wanna fall down the same rabbit hole that broke my brain, read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell: https://www.amazon.com/Blink-Power-Thinking-Without-Thinking/dp/0316010669 (it’s horrifying how right he is).
