Okay, so I’m sitting here in my freezing-ass apartment in New Jersey, December 2025, Healthy Sex Life wearing three hoodies because the radiator’s being dramatic again, and I just realized I’m finally, actually, in a healthy sexual relationship. Like, wild. Me. The girl who once dated a guy who called my vibrator “competition” and got mad when I laughed during sex because I queefed (yeah, we’re going there). Anyway, here are the 7 signs that made me go “oh shit, this is what respect feels like.”
1. You Can Say “Not Tonight” Without Writing a Thesis
Last Tuesday I had a migraine that felt like someone parked a truck on my brain. Normally I’d fake it or feel guilty. This time I just mumbled “brain explosion, no touchy” and he literally tucked me in, made me take Excedrin, and watched TikTok on silent next to me. No sulking. No “but I’ve had a hard day too.” That, my friends, is the first major sign you’re in a healthy sexual relationship.
2. Laughing Healthy Sex Life Doesn’t Kill the Vibe—It Makes It Better
We were attempting some fancy position we saw on the internet (bad idea) and I straight-up fell off the bed. In past relationships that would’ve been mortifying. This time we both lost it laughing, he helped me up, and we finished on the floor because why not. Bonus: he still called me sexy while I had rug burn on my knee. That’s healthy sexual relationship energy.
3. Boundaries Are Hot,Healthy Sex Life Not a Buzzkill
I told him I don’t like being choked. Not even a little. Instead of the usual “but everyone likes it” lecture, he just nodded and said “cool, noted forever.” Then—and this is the wild part—he asked follow-up questions like he was genuinely taking notes for a class he wanted an A+ in. Turns out respecting boundaries is the ultimate foreplay in a healthy sexual relationship.
4. Aftercare Isn’t Just a BDSM Thing
We don’t even do kink half the time, but this man still brings me water, asks if I need a towel, and cuddles me like I’m made of glass afterward. Once I cried (happy tears, hormones, who knows) and he didn’t freak out—he just held me and whispered “I got you” until I stopped. I didn’t know vanilla sex came with emotional support, but apparently in a healthy sexual relationship it does.
5. You Talk About the Gross Stuff Without Dying
I had a yeast infection last month (thanks, new detergent). Told him straight up: no PiV for a week. Healthy Sex Life He asked if I was okay, googled whether cranberry juice actually helps (it doesn’t), and we just… did other stuff. Zero pressure. Zero shame. If you can talk about discharge without wanting to evaporate, congrats—you might be in a healthy sexual relationship.
6. Consent Check-Ins Are Normal and Not Awkward
He’ll literally pause and go “still good?” or “want me to keep going?” and Healthy Sex Life it doesn’t ruin the mood—it makes me wetter, honestly. The first time he did it I almost cried because nobody had ever cared that much in the moment. That little “you okay?” is the difference between sex and respectful, healthy sexual relationship sex.
7. You’re Both a Little Selfish and a Little Selfless—At the Same Time
Sometimes I want to be worshipped for 45 minutes and he’s happy to oblige. Sometimes he wants to come in 3 minutes flat and I’m like “go off king.” There’s no scorecard. We both get ours, we both give, and nobody’s keeping a mental tally. That balance? Chef’s kiss. Peak healthy sexual relationship behavior.
Look, Healthy Sex Life I’m not some relationship guru. I’m just a 31-year-old disaster in New Jersey who finally stopped dating walking red flags. If even three of these made you go “huh, same,” then congrats—you might actually have the good thing.
Tell me in the comments which sign surprised you the most, or if you’re still waiting for your “not tonight = snacks and cuddles” era. We’re all out here learning.
(Also, if you want more real-talk relationship stuff, subscribe or whatever. I’ll probably overshare again next week.)
P.S. – For way more nuanced takes on consent and pleasure, check out Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and The Ethical Slut – both changed my damn life.
