secret fantasies honestly keep me going some weeks, and yeah i’m typing this from my couch in los angeles while that rare-ass rain pours down and my hoodie still smells like three-day-old taco bell
like seriously i’m thirty-two, i pay rent that could probably buy a small island, i forget to water my one plant constantly, and my brain still ambushes me at 2am with the most unhinged, ultra-specific crap that would make my mom disown me twice
the secret fantasy that straight-up owns my brain rn
okay there’s this one fantasy that’s lived rent-free in my head since 2021 and it’s honestly dumb but whatever: i want someone to obsess over me in the cutest, least-murdery way imaginable. they drop perfect little gifts outside my door, slide notes under it that somehow nail exactly how trash my day felt, bring my insane starbucks order with the precise oat-milk ratio… and i never spot them. ever. just proof they watch me stumble through life and still stan me hard
i know i KNOW one wrong turn and it becomes a lifetime movie but the safe, cozy version? yeah that one forces me to pause netflix and stare at the ceiling like a total weirdo
the one that would make me yeet my phone into the pacific
alright fine, deep breath. sometimes i picture someone walking in while i’m… y’know… handling my own business… and instead of the usual scream-cry apocalypse they just watch quietly for a second then jump right in, no words needed. pure “oh we’re doing this now” vibes.
i’ve never admitted that before and my soul just astral-projected outta here. but turns out half of reddit vibes with it too?? i spiraled down that wormhole last month and felt attacked yet weirdly validated
why do secret fantasies even exist tho
because adulting sucks and we all fake it nonstop?? we grind through work emails, swipe on dating apps full of dudes who claim they’re 6’4” and love hiking, and pretend we don’t sometimes crave total destruction in super-specific ways for like ten minutes before we crash to law & order reruns. these little mental escape rooms save us.
i used to think mine made me a total freak until i read this psychology today piece (here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202110/the-truth-about-sexual-fantasies) that basically said “congrats you’re normal, pretty much everyone hides wild stuff they’d die over” and honestly it felt like absolution
advice from an official trash goblin
- jot it in your notes app then delete it immediately (the adrenaline hits different)
- test the waters with one trusted friend using the PG-13 cut—sometimes they match your freak and it’s magic
- or lock it in the vault forever, also completely valid my dude
anyway it’s 3:43am now, the rain finally quit, and my neighbor’s car alarm has gone off roughly 47 times tonight so i’m gonna stress-eat cereal straight from the box and yeah i’ll probably daydream about my imaginary gift-dropping stalker again because that’s apparently my comfort delusion
what’s yours?? spill in the comments or dms or straight-up lie, i don’t care—just know your 3am gremlin brain has company
