I sit on my couch in Brooklyn right now, heater clanking like it hates me, oat milk stain drying on my hoodie because I knocked the carton over mid-scroll (classic). Growing up with taboos didn’t just happen to me – my church, my mom, my youth group, the entire midwest evangelical machine drilled it into my skull that bodies = bad, desire = danger, and pleasure = one-way ticket downtown (and not the fun downtown).
I wore a purity ring like a wedding ring to Jesus and actually believed french kissing counted as cheating on him. Wild.
Fast forward and I still catch myself apologizing when a guy goes down on me. I literally mutter “sorry” while he’s down there doing the lord’s work. He stops, looks up, and I die inside. Growing up with taboos taught me my own arousal was a glitch I needed to hide or fix. So now when someone actually wants me, my brain blue-screens and I either freeze, over-explain, or straight-up ghost them the next day. Super cute pattern.
How Growing Up with Taboos Turned Me Into a Walking Disaster Date
I preach sex positivity to my friends like it’s my job, but the second someone sees the lights on and spots my cellulite, I hear my mom’s voice in my head: “cover up, what will people think?” I’ve dumped perfectly good guys because they said “I love you” too soon and my trauma translated that to “run bitch run.” I’ve also banged randos on the second date just to “get the sin over with” so the guilt would shut up (it never does, shockingly).
Real ways these childhood taboos still control me:
- I panic if anyone tries to have sex with even the hallway light on
- I trauma-dump on date three like I’m speed-running rejection
- I once cried after a really good orgasm because my body wasn’t supposed to feel that good
- I keep my purity ring in my nightstand and sometimes drunkenly slide it on when I feel like garbage
What Actually Helps Me Unlearn This Childhood Taboo Bullshit
Therapy slaps. My therapist has heard every variation of “I feel like a slut” memorized at this point. Books rewired my brain harder than any sermon ever did – Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Pure by Linda Kay Klein, The Body Keeps the Score – all of them live rent-free in my head (and on my bookshelf).
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski → https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women by Linda Kay Klein → https://lindakayklein.com/pure The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk → https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score This article on religious trauma & sexuality wrecked me in the best way → https://www.npr.org/2021/09/08/1034922686/religious-trauma-sexual-purity-culture-linda-kay-klein
But the real game-changer? I started saying the shameful shit out loud. I warn partners upfront: “Heads up, I might randomly freak out and it’s old church trauma, not you.”
Last weekend I hooked up and didn’t apologize once. I call that a motherfucking miracle.
Anyway, if you also grew up with taboos and you still flinch when someone touches you like you’re doing something illegal – solidarity, babe. You’re not trash, you’re just carrying decades of someone else’s fear. It gets quieter. Some days it even shuts up completely.
Drop your most unhinged purity-culture memory below; I need the laugh and the communal therapy.
Still a chaotic work in progress,
