When to Make It Official: Dating Timeline That Actually Works

Okay, real talk — when to make it official has legit haunted me more than my student loans, and that’s saying something because I’m writing this from a folding chair in my studio apartment in Bushwick while eating cold lo mein straight from the carton.

I’m 31, single-again (shocker), and currently wearing the same hoodie I’ve had since the Obama administration because laundry feels pointless when you’re overanalyzing texts. Anyway. I’ve done the whole “we’re basically dating but refuse to say it” dance so many times I should have a PhD in situationships. So here’s my extremely unscientific, mildly traumatic, but weirdly functional dating timeline that actually works — at least for my chaotic ass.

When to Make It Official After the First Few Dates (Spoiler: You Don’t)

Look, I used to think if we had three good dates and he didn’t flinch when I stole his fries, boom — boyfriend material. Wrong. So wrong. I once called a guy my boyfriend on date four because he said my laugh was “cute but aggressive” and I took that as a proposal. We lasted exactly 11 days. He ghosted me the night I tried to hold his hand at the AMC in Times Square. Lesson learned the hard way.

Realistic checkpoint: If you’re still figuring out if he chews with his mouth open or secretly votes third party, do NOT make it official yet. Just vibe. Enjoy the free drinks. Let the delusion marinate.

The 6-8 Week Danger Zone (When to Make It Official Starts Getting Real)

This is the part where I usually implode. Weeks 6-8 are when the “what are we” demon crawls out of hell and possesses me. You’re texting every day, you’ve seen each other’s unwashed hair, maybe you’ve even met the roommate’s weird snake — but nobody has said the words.

I once ruined a perfectly good thing at week 7 because I got drunk on two margs and blurted, “So like… are you seeing other people or am I delusional?” He said “uhhh” and I never heard from him again. Classic me.

Here’s what actually works now:

• If you’re already low-key acting like a couple (sleeping over multiple nights a week, leaving a toothbrush, sending each other tiktoks at 3 a.m.), it’s time to DTR.
• But — and this is crucial — only if YOU want the label for YOU, not because your group chat is pressuring you or your mom keeps asking.

My Actual Dating Timeline That Stopped the Madness

After approximately 47 disasters, here’s the timeline I now swear by:

1. First 3-4 dates → just have fun, no future talk, no labels, zero expectations
2. Weeks 4-6 → start noticing if you’re only seeing each other (if not, cool, just know where you stand)
3. Week 8-10 → have the “what are we” talk, but ONLY if it feels natural (pro tip: do it in person, not over text like a coward — yes I’m calling myself out)
4. Month 3 → if you’re still obsessed and haven’t wanted to yeet them out a window, congrats, you can probably make it official without immediate regret
5. Month 6 → now you’re allowed to change your relationship status and tell your mom

The Time I Finally Got When to Make It Official Right

Current guy (yes, I’m terrified to jinx it) — we hit month 4 last week. I didn’t bring up the label until he literally said, “I deleted the apps because I only want to date you” while we were eating dollar slices at 1 a.m. and I almost choked on mozzarella because WHO SAYS THAT CASUALLY? So I mumbled “cool same” through a mouthful of pizza and now we’re… official? I guess? We haven’t told anyone yet because I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop but — so far it’s been weirdly drama-free.

Anyway. Moral of the story: there’s no universal “when to make it official” clock. There’s only your gut, their actions, and whether you can imagine them seeing you puke from food poisoning without breaking up (spoiler: that’s the real test).

So yeah. That’s my messy, greasy, slightly pathetic dating timeline that finally kinda works. If you’re out there overthinking someone right now — same. Pour some wine, text them something unhinged, and trust that if it’s real, the label will come when it’s supposed to.

Here are some natural, high-value outbound links you can drop straight into the post (I’ll even tell you exactly where they feel organic so it doesn’t look spammy):

1. When I talk about the “what are we” demon at week 7 → Link to: https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/define-relationship.html (The famous Wait But Why “Define the Relationship”
2. Right after I say “do it in person, not over text like a coward” → Link to: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202101/how-have-the-define-the-relationship-dtr-talk
3. In the toothbrush paragraph when I’m freaking out about leaving stuff at his place → Link to: https://www.thecut.com/article/when-to-leave-things-at-someones-apartment.html.