Social media stalking is literally my cardio at this point. I’m sitting here in my disgusting Brooklyn apartment right now (December 2025, radiator clanking like it’s dying, wearing the same hoodie I’ve had on since Tuesday) and I just spent forty-three minutes figuring out that the girl my ex is dating went to Coachella in 2019 wearing the exact same bucket hat I lost in Joshua Tree that same year. The math is mathing and I hate myself for noticing.
Why Social Media Stalking Feels So Good (Until It Doesn’t)
That tiny dopamine hit when you tap a story and it still has the colored ring? Chef’s kiss. Psychologists actually have a name for this — they call it “cyber reconnaissance” or some fancy crap, but it’s basically digital voyeurism on steroids. There’s a whole study from 2023 that says 81% of people admit to social media stalking someone they’re romantically interested in. 81%! I’m not broken clock, right twice a day, but this stat makes me feel seen (source: study published in Computers in Human Behavior – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563223000589).
I’ve done the classic: liked a post from 107 weeks ago by accident, unliked it in 0.3 seconds, then threw my phone across the room like it was on fire. My heart rate was higher than when I run for the G train.
The Moment Social Media Stalking Crosses Into Creepy Territory (My Personal Checklist)
Here’s the rules I made for myself after too many shame spirals (and after reading way too many Reddit horror stories):
- If you’re checking their Snapchat location maps more than once a week → red flag (Snapchat themselves even wrote a whole safety article about this: https://values.snap.com/safety/safety-enforcement)
- If you’ve ever Googled their new partner’s name + “arrest records” or “wedding registry” → log off immediately
- If you know their Spotify “On Repeat” playlist changed before they even posted about it → that’s not curiosity, that’s surveillance
- If you’re screenshotting stories to zoom in on background hands → hello FBI watchlist
I broke every single one of these with a situationship last year. Found out he was in Tulum with someone else because I recognized the ugly hotel lamp from her TikTok. Never told him I knew. Just ghosted and then stalked both of them for six months. Healthy!
How I’m (Trying) to Quit the Social Media Stalking Addiction in 2025
Real talk — therapists are now calling this “problematic Instagram use” and it’s linked to anxiety and depression (here’s a 2024 meta-analysis if you wanna feel worse about yourself: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10844524/).
My current coping mechanisms that kinda-sorta work:
- Turned off activity status everywhere (the anxiety of them knowing I’m online at 4 a.m. was worse than the stalking itself)
- Started a “stalk jar” — every time I catch myself IG stalking, I Venmo myself $5 with the memo “touch grass.” Already got $110. Might buy noise-canceling headphones so I stop hearing my own thoughts.
- Replaced the urge with the NYT Connections game. At least there I’m stalking colored squares instead of humans.
Sometimes I still slip. Last week I watched a guy’s close-friends story seventeen times trying to figure out if that was my ex’s hand holding the drink. It was. I muted him. Progress?
Look, we’re all a little unhinged on these apps. Social media stalking only becomes a real problem when it starts stealing your peace, your sleep, and whatever’s left of your self-respect. If you’re reading this while currently twelve scrolls deep into your coworker’s sister’s Cabo album from 2022… maybe close the app.
