hidden curiosities are literally why my fbi agent quit last year. no cap. i’m sitting here in my disgusting little apartment in columbus, it’s december but somehow still humid because ohio hates me, wearing the same hoodie i’ve had on since thanksgiving (the crusty one with the mystery stain near the hem). and i just typed “why does my earwax smell like beef jerky sometimes” into private browsing for the 47th time this month.
don’t act like you’re better than me. you’ve done it too.
the hidden curiosities that own my brainrot
- why do my feet smell like doritos after i wear vans with no socks (is it the cheese powder possessing me??)
- is it normal to be able to taste metal when i’m anxious or am i just slowly turning into wolverine
- do other people check if their tongue is black after drinking red wine or am i the only vampire
- why does my belly button lint match whatever shirt i wore yesterday. like. perfectly. i own a navy blue collection now.
that one time a hidden curiosity made me cry in a walmart bathroom
true story. i was in the family restroom (don’t ask) googling “can holding in a fart cause internal damage” because taco bell breakfast exists and i have no self control. some kid starts banging on the door yelling “mommy hurry up” and i panic dropped my phone straight into the toilet. full splash. i fished it out with a wad of tp like a raccoon and just sat there crying with wet jeans and a phone that smelled like public restroom lemon death.
still used that phone for another year. rice fixes everything.
hidden curiosities i blame on being 30 and broke
- why does my knee make rice krispies noises when i squat to pick up the remote
- is it weird that i smell my armpits to decide if i can get away with not showering (update: i never can)
- do other people google “how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you” unironically
- why does my pee smell like asparagus for three days but i haven’t eaten asparagus since 2019
once spent a solid hour convinced i had scurvy because my gums were bleeding and i only eat hot cheetos and depression. turns out i just brushed my teeth too hard while daydreaming about ryan gosling. classic.
we’re all disgusting and that’s beautiful
after years of thinking i’m a unique brand of broken, i learned everyone is googling the same unhinged shit. told my coworker about the earwax thing and she deadass whispered “mine smells like maple syrup sometimes” and now we just nod at each other across the zoom screen like veterans.
actual helpful links so you don’t spiral alone:
the asparagus pee gene is real and only some of us have it: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-asparagus-makes-your-urine-smell-and-why-some-cant-smell-it-15078031/
that belly button lint article i mentioned: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/belly-button-lint
stress sweat smells worse (science!): https://www.sciencealert.com/your-stress-sweat-really-does-smell-worse-to-others-study-finds
- never ever ever google symptoms + “cancer” after 10pm unless you wanna die at 34
- just ask the group chat. someone always says “oh thank god i thought i was dying”
- own it. next time someone side-eyes you just go “yeah i google if my poop is normal daily, what’s good”
anyway my left boob just itched in a way that feels suspiciously like a new mole and i gotta go compare it to the 47 photos i’ve taken of the same spot since july.
what are your hidden curiosities?? spill them below i literally cannot be shocked at this point (unless you tell me you don’t smell your own farts to see if they’re bad. then we can’t be friends)
