How to date with confidence when you feel insecure is basically the only skill I’ve been grinding since 2021, and right now I’m writing this wrapped in a blanket that definitely needs washing while my cat tries to sit on my phone in Columbus, Ohio, where it’s somehow already dark at 4:47 p.m.
I just got home from a second date that went… fine? Good? I think? My brain is currently writing fanfiction about how he’s drafting the “you’re great but” text as I type, but whatever, we’re rolling with it.
Why Dating While Insecure Feels Like Playing 4D Chess Drunk
My attachment style is anxious-avoidant with a side of fries, which basically means I want love but I’m also convinced everyone is secretly plotting to leave me at Applebee’s. There’s actual science behind this garbage, by the way — this article from The Attachment Project explains it way better than I ever could without crying.
The Hacks That Keep Me From Ghosting Myself Before He Can
- I use the same “date scent” every time (Sol de Janeiro 62, don’t @ me) because scent memory is real and apparently my brain trusts it.
- I have a note on my phone titled “Evidence I’m Not Trash” with screenshots of nice things people have said. Sounds pathetic, works anyway.
- I read this piece on Psychology Today about not waiting to feel ready every single time I want to cancel. It’s basically my emotional support blog post.
That One Date I Word-Vomited My Entire Trauma Timeline and He Asked for Date #4
Real story: I once told a guy on date two that my biggest fear is being the “temporary person” in someone’s life. Thought I’d scared him off forever. He texted the next morning with a voice note saying “honestly that was the most real thing anyone’s said to me on a date in years.” Still together three months later. Wild.
Current 2025 Survival Links I Click When I’m Spiraling
- This TikTok therapist explaining why overthinking attraction is normal (Nedra Tawwab is a queen)
- Mark Groves’ podcast episode on dating with an anxious attachment style — I’ve listened to it like eight times
- The “Core Gift Institute” quiz that helped me figure out why I apologize when someone bumps into ME (still processing)
I’m still a walking panic attack half the time. I still check if he’s active on Instagram when he hasn’t replied in 40 minutes. But I’m also still here, still going on dates, still figuring out how to date with confidence when I feel insecure pretty much 24/7.
You don’t need to be fixed to be loved. You just need to keep showing up in your ratty hoodie and slightly smudged mascara and let someone decide you’re worth the chaos.
