Silent resentment in couples is the worst thing I’ve ever let happen to us. I’m on the couch at 1:27 a.m. eating cold lo mein from the carton. She’s in bed pretending to sleep. We’re doing it again.
We don’t yell anymore. We just freeze. Days turn into weeks. Once we hit 19 days of near-total silence and I forgot what we were even mad about. That’s how sneaky silent resentment in couples is.
How it creeps in
I forget trash duty. She slams cabinets. I hide in my phone. She hides in TikTok. Rinse, repeat. That’s the cycle.
The body keeps score
My jaw hurts nonstop. Dentist said I grind at night. She gets hives when the quiet gets too loud. Silent resentment in couples is free physical torture.
The night I broke
February. Freezing rain. I’m eating cereal at 1 a.m. She walks in for water. We do the awkward dance. I start laughing like a lunatic. Six weeks of silence and we couldn’t even name the fight. I said, “We’re killing each other over socks. This is dumb.” She cried. Ugly cry. We talked till sunrise. Best worst night ever.
Stuff that kinda works now
- 48-hour rule: If it’ll bug you longer than two days, say it out loud. Even if it’s stupid.
- Sunday check-ins with wine. “I’m fine” is banned.
- I read Hold Me Tight on the subway and cried (link: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/hold-me-tight/). Worth it.
- We leave notes when words fail. Hers are pretty. Mine look like ransom demands.
We still screw up
Last Thursday I sulked because she ate my yogurt. Four hours in I caught myself. Said, “We are NOT doing three weeks of silence over Fage.” She snorted. We made out in the kitchen. Progress tastes like Greek yogurt and victory.
Silent resentment in couples doesn’t vanish. It’s emotional herpes—flares when life sucks. But calling it out loud? That’s the only thing that shrinks it.
If you’re doom-scrolling while your person fake-sleeps two feet away, just send them this. Or poke them and say the dumbest true thing in your chest. Worst case: awkward fight. Best case: you stop murdering your relationship with quiet.
She just texted from bed: “bring water and stop eating like a raccoon.” I’m going. We’re not fixed. But tonight we’re not enemies. Small wins.
Drop your own silent resentment horror stories below. I read them all at 3 a.m. while stress-eating. You’re not alone in this mess. ❤️
