The Taboos Couples Think About but Never Talk About (ugh here goes)
The taboos couples think about but never talk about are honestly killing me lately. Like last Thursday—or wait was it Wednesday?—I’m laying there in our dumb hot apartment in Columbus, ceiling fan going click-click-click like it’s personally annoyed with me, and my husband’s snoring away and suddenly bam, I’m wondering if he’s ever thought about a threesome with my college best friend. Not that I want it, god no, but the thought just pops in there and now I can’t unthink it. And I swear I’d rather die than ask him.
Anyway.
The Money Thing That Still Makes Me Sweat
We’re “open” about money… except when we’re totally not. I still haven’t told him that I get this weird little thrill sneaking a $9 latte even though we swore we were cutting back. It’s not even the coffee, it’s the secret—like I’m getting away with something bad. Meanwhile he hides Amazon boxes in the trunk like he’s 007. We both know. We both pretend we don’t. Classic taboos couples think about but never talk about, right?
That “What If We Opened Things Up” Spiral
Blame TikTok, seriously. One minute I’m scrolling, next minute I’m spiraling thinking what if he only stays monogamous because it’s easier? What if he secretly resents me? I have NEVER said this out loud. I did get drunk last month and ask “hypothetically” if he thinks open relationships are stupid. He said yeah and grabbed another beer. Still have no clue if he meant it.
The Fantasy I Hate That I Have
Okay fine. Sometimes—super rarely, like once every blue moon—I think about him watching me with somebody else. There I said it. I hate myself for it. I would literally rather eat glass than tell him. But yeah, the taboos couples think about but never talk about don’t care if you’re a good person, they just show up at 2 a.m. with snacks and zero chill.
The Ex Texts We Both Pretend Don’t Exist
He still has his ex saved as “Sarah Dentist” even though she hasn’t cleaned his teeth since 2017. I still have screenshots from my ex in 2019 saying I was the best he ever had. We both know these things are there. We both act chill. Spoiler: we are not chill.
The “Are We Actually Bad at Sex Now?” Panic
Nine years together, sometimes it’s fireworks, sometimes it’s… meh. And I’ll lay there afterward doing math in my head—did I make enough noise? Was that position weird? The silence afterward feels louder than any fight we’ve ever had.
Okay So How Do We Actually Deal With These Taboos Couples Think About but Never Talk About?
Here’s what I figured out the hard way: saying it out loud doesn’t always blow everything up. Sometimes it just makes the monster smaller. Last month I finally blurted the latte-secret thing over Taco Bell in the parking lot (super romantic I know). He laughed so hard salsa came out his nose, then admitted the Amazon shame, and now we each get $50 a month “no questions asked.” It’s dumb. It works.
I’m still scared to bring up half this list—some taboos couples think about but never talk about might stay buried and that’s probably fine. But the ones that keep you staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m.? Give them some air. Even if it’s just to your cat first.
Your turn—what’s eating at you? Drop it in the comments, go anonymous, I don’t care, I won’t judge. Or don’t. Just know you’re not the only one wide awake wondering if your person secretly hates the way you load the dishwasher or wants to bang the barista at Starbucks.
We’re all kinda messed up. That’s the part nobody says.
(But hey, I just did.)
P.S. If you liked this messy brain-dump, share it with your partner and blame me when it gets awkward. Or subscribe so I can keep oversharing every week. Either way, thanks for reading my chaos. ❤️
Outbound Link:
- When I was spiraling about the open-relationship thing, this article actually calmed me down (didn’t fix me, but helped): → “Monogamy Isn’t the Only Option — And That’s Okay” on Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202109/monogamy-isnt-the-only-option-and-thats-okay
- The money-secret shame? This piece nailed why hiding $9 lattes feels like cheating: → “Financial Infidelity: The Secret Spending That Can Destroy Relationships” on CNBC https://www.cnbc.com/2023/08/15/financial-infidelity-secret-spending-can-destroy-relationships.html
