Why ghosting happens more than ever is literally keeping me up right now, 2:17 a.m. in my stupidly quiet apartment in Austin, Texas, the AC humming like it’s judging me, half a Topo Chico gone flat on the nightstand. I just opened Hinge for the first time in three days and saw the little “seen” under the last message I sent this guy—some music producer with perfect curly hair—and nothing. Radio silence. Classic digital ghosting. And the worst part? I’ve been the ghost before. Like, a lot.
How Digital Ghosting Feels When You’re the One Left on Read
It’s this specific flavor of pathetic: you’re lying in bed, thumb hovering, refreshing Instagram stories to see if he posted anything after he vanished from your DMs. I did that last week. Refreshed so hard I accidentally liked a story from 47 weeks ago. Kill me.
Why Ghosting Happens So Much Now (My Extremely Unscientific Theories)
Look, we all know the textbook reasons—infinite options, no accountability, blah blah. But it’s deeper than that, at least for me:
- We’re all terrified of being “too much” so we just… disappear
- Typing “I’m not feeling it” feels like writing a cover letter but for emotions
- It’s easier to let someone think you died than admit you’re just kinda meh about them
I once ghosted a perfectly nice software engineer because he used the word “female” unironically as a noun. That’s it. That’s the whole reason. I’m not proud.
The Time I Got Ghosted So Hard I Considered Moving States
Okay, real talk: summer 2023, this photographer from LA flew me out (yeah, I know). We had the most intense 72 hours—tacos at 2 a.m., made out on some rooftop, the whole cliché. He texted me from the airport gate saying “just boarded, talk soon.” Never heard from him again. Not a single read receipt. I still have the hoodie he left in my suitcase. why ghosting happens It smells like nothing now but I can’t throw it out. Digital ghosting but make it 3D.
Yeah, I’ve Been the Ghost Too (Don’t @ Me)
Last month I was talking to this guy who kept sending me voice notes of him playing acoustic covers of early 2000s emo songs. First one was cute. By the seventh I was having visceral fight-or-flight. So I just… stopped. Opened the messages, let the read receipt hit, and pretended my phone fell into a volcano. I still feel gross about it.
So How Do We Stop This Digital Ghosting Bullshit?
Honestly? I don’t know if we can fully. But here’s what I’m trying (and failing) at:
- Actually saying “hey this isn’t for me, wish you the best” (takes 4 seconds, feels like defusing a bomb)
- Remembering the person on the other side is also refreshing at 2 a.m. eating cold leftovers
- Turning off read receipts so we can all live in blissful ignorance again
Anyway. I’m gonna go text that music producer why ghosting happens “hey no pressure just checking you’re alive” and probably regret it immediately. If you’ve been ghosted lately, drop your war stories below—I read every single comment while stress-eating cereal at 3 a.m., promise.
Outbound Link:
- When I mention the “textbook reasons” under the ## Why Ghosting Happens So Much Now section → Link the phrase “infinite options” to the original 2019 Atlantic article everyone quotes: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/08/why-people-ghost-and-how-to-get-over-it/596545/
- Right after “I once ghosted a perfectly nice software engineer because he used the word ‘female’ unironically” → Link “female unironically” to this viral 2022 TikTok breakdown of why that word sets people off (it’s short, funny, and everyone’s seen it): https://www.tiktok.com/@datingbyblaine/video/7170931823134551339
