I’m writing this half-drunk on gas-station coffee in the parking lot of a Buc-ee’s at 4:17 a.m. because sleep is for people with normal Relationship Shame choices, apparently. My phone keeps buzzing with a group chat that’s currently roasting me for “having a roster” (their words, not mine). Anyway.
Why Society Still Shames Relationship Choices That Don’t Fit the Hallmark Movie Template
Last Friday I made the mistake of opening Facebook—never do that sober—and my high school bestie posted one of those “if you’re over 30 and still single you’re the problem” memes. Cool, cool. I commented “or maybe I just like my own bed and don’t wanna share the covers 🤷♀️” and got unfriended in 2.4 seconds. Relationship shame speedrun, new record.
The Time My Mom Literally Prayed Over My Dating Apps
True story: Christmas 2023, I’m home in Ohio, mom finds my phone open to Feeld. She starts praying the demons out of me while I’m literally thinking about the threesome I had scheduled for New Year’s. The dissonance was… chef’s kiss.
Here’s an article that explains why family reactions hit so hard when you step outside monogamy (it’s not just my mom being dramatic, apparently): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/202107/when-family-doesnt-understand-your-polyamory
That One Target Run That Still Haunts Me
Cashier told me “you don’t have to live like this” while scanning strawberry lube and Peppa Pig bandages. Ma’am.
Research actually shows cashiers and strangers feel entitled to comment on non-traditional Relationship Shame because of something called “moral outrage on behalf of society” (aka being nosy): https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/386-moral-outrage
Why Society Shames Us (My 4am Conspiracy Theories)
Because if we’re happy outside the script, everyone else has to question their own misery. There’s data on this—people in unhappy monogamous marriages report higher distress when exposed to happy poly folks: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2021.1965388
Also people love moral superiority boners. Fight me.
Things That Actually Helped (With Links So You Know I’m Not Just Making Shit Up)
- Oversharing on purpose (works, 10/10 chaos)
- Found this directory for poly/kink-aware therapists so I stopped paying people to side-eye me: https://www.kapprofessionals.org
- Joined the More Than Two Discord and finally met people who don’t clutch pearls when I say I have two partners: https://morethantwo.com/resources
I’m rambling again. Sun’s up, I’ve got grease on my hoodie, and three good-morning texts to answer.
Relationship shame is real, it’s everywhere, and I’m done letting it live rent-free. If you’re loving weird, keep loving weird.
