Okay, real talk—my dating life isn’t working used to be the background music of my entire existence. Like, I’m sitting here in my cramped Brooklyn apartment at 1:17 a.m., November chill sneaking through the window, eating Frosted Flakes straight from the box because the milk went bad again, and yeah… still zero texts lighting up this phone. That was me for longer than I wanna admit.
Why My Dating Life Isn’t Working (The Ugly Truth I Ignored)
I was doing everything “right” on paper—decent job, hit the gym, had the curated Hinge prompts—but my dating life isn’t working because I was low-key insufferable. Example? I once spent 45 minutes on a date explaining the lore of my fantasy football league to a girl who clearly just wanted another margarita. She ghosted before the check came. Classic me.
Another time I matched with this insanely cool photographer, planned the perfect Williamsburg rooftop date… then spent the whole night doom-scrolling my ex’s new boyfriend’s Instagram in the bathroom. Came back and goes, “You good?” I said “Yeah just allergies.” Bro. My dating life isn’t working because I was emotionally constipated and pretending I wasn’t.
The Moment I Admitted My Dating Life Isn’t Working Was 100% My Fault
Last spring I got stood up at a coffee shop in Bushwick. Sat there for an hour refreshing Bumble like a loser while the barista kept giving me the pity refill. Walking home in the rain (because of course it started raining), I had this brutal epiphany: nobody was sabotaging me but me. My profiles screamed “I will trauma-dump by date three.” My texting game was either bone-dry or unhinged 3-paragraph novels at 2 a.m. No wonder my dating life isn’t working.
How I Fixed My Dating Life (Actually Fast, Weirdly)
Here’s the chaotic list of what actually moved the needle for me—no BS “just love yourself” platitudes:
- Deleted every app for 30 days cold turkey. Went full monk mode. Read this book that everyone clowns on but legit rewired my brain about neediness.
- Started saying the quiet part out loud on dates. Like, “Hey I’m kinda nervous because I actually like you” instead of pretending to be James Bond. Vulnerability is crack, apparently.
- Fixed my photos. Threw out the gym selfies and group shots. Got my sister to take candids of me laughing at my own dumb jokes in natural light. Conversion rate tripled overnight.
- Limited myself to one date a week max. Stopped treating dating like a second job. Suddenly I wasn’t exhausted and bitter anymore.
The Part Where My Dating Life Stopped Being a Dumpster Fire
Three months in, I’m texting this girl who roasts me within five minutes of meeting and it feels… easy? We’re grabbing tacos next week and I’m not spiraling about what to wear yet. Progress.
Look, if your dating life isn’t working right now, same—mine was a war crime until literally this year. But the fix isn’t some 12-step program or paying a dating coach $3k. It’s usually just stopping the delusional crap we all do and getting brutally honest for five seconds.
Anyway. Put the phone down. Go touch grass. Text that person you’ve been scared to text. Or don’t. I’m not your dad.
